How to become a Social Media Guru in 20 Steps
WARNING - PLEASE READ
This is an ironic article.
Please read this as what NOT to do.
It's supposed to be funny and educational. Enjoy!
Update January 2016 -
Are these 20 steps not enough? If so, I've written a new article on 9 More Steps to Become a Social Media Guru! Enjoy!
Want to climb the heights to become a Social Media Guru? Want to learn the secrets? You're in luck!
In this article I am going to share with you the 20 Steps on how you too can become a Master Guru of Social Media!
Remember- this is very much a magic art- so keep this to yourself. DON'T share this article with anyone else!
Are you ready to start your path to awesomeness? Let's begin!
1. Learn How to Automate Everything
One of the most important tips for any social media guru to learn is the art of automation. Some inexperienced people in the social media world choose to manually craft their social media updates or perhaps selectively automate certain tasks. To be a true Guru, you must learn to automate every social media task at least where possible.
There are many examples of automation, some of which I cover in some of the other steps in this article. Examples include:
- Automatically following people back when they follow you
- Automatic retweeting
- Automatic mentioning
- Automated direct messages and automated posts from another social media guru's blog
- Automatic posting to LinkedIn from another Network
Sure, some less experienced social media people use some of these techniques, but to be a true Social Media Guru, you must practice them all- all the time.
Social Media Guru Tip 1: Learn to Automate Everything!Click To Tweet2. All Social Networks are the same - Learn How to Cross Post
To be particularly effective you should learn to use features that don't exist in at least one of the social networks. This used to be fairly easy until Facebook decided to introduce hashtags. Nevertheless, hashtags and screen names should be used all the time, particularly when you post to LinkedIn. The fact that hashtags and screen names make no sense in LinkedIn shouldn't put you off- remember, to shine forth your inner Guru, you need to impress your followers and connections with all the latest techniques. Your LinkedIn followers may not have a clue what your hashtags or screen names are referring to, but they will look up to you in total awe and respect since you obviously know your stuff!
Social Media Guru Tip 2: All Social Networks are the Same! #socialmediaClick To Tweet3. Twitter Power Tip: Automatic Direct Messages
You can give the impression that you are interested in them as a follower, by using phrases such as
"I look forward to reading your tweets"
or even using their username or real name in the tweet-
"Hey, Ian- thanks for following me!".
To extend your Guru powers it's also good to introduce spelling morphing techniques (some less experienced social media people call this "text speak" or even go as far as "spelling mistakes"). Always use "Thx" instead of "Thanks". Remember, you only have 140 characters and you are busy.
Perhaps the most important lesson to learn in the automated direct message art is to blow your own trumpet. Remember- you are the centre of the universe (more on that later). Of course your followers are interested in your Facebook page or Pinterest profile- so get them to like it! To give you a start, here are some power phrases that will turbo charge you to automated dm light speed!:
"Hey, thx 4 following me iagdotme. Looking 4wards 2 reading yr tweets!!!!!"
"Thx for connecting. I'm more active on Facebook- let's connect here- http://facebook.com/iagdotme"
"Thanks 4 following me. Looking forwards to knowing u. Like my Facebook Page >>> http://facebook.com/iagdotme"
Social Media Guru Tip 3: Send Automatic Direct Messages on Twitter! #socialmediaClick To Tweet"Hi! Need some free stuff??? Check out our super awesome web page to win a free thing https://iag.me/"
Bonus Tip: LinkedIn Endorsements
LinkedIn Endorsements are incredibly valuable for every Social Media Guru. You should endeavour to build up the number of endorsements you have on your profile. Combine this with Step 7 (Buy Reputation) to really power up your numbers. In addition you should endorse your connections. The key here is to endorse people for skills you have no idea whether they have or not. Don't know whether your connection Brian is good at SEO? Just endorse him! The reasoning behind this is that you are encouraging Brian to endorse you back and so increasing your number. Sweet!
4. You are the Centre of the Universe - Communicate your amazingness!
All Social Media Gurus instinctively know that they are the centre of the universe. However, it's not enough to KNOW you are the centre of the universe- you need to communicate this and your total awesomeness to everyone you meet online.
Some inexperienced social media people regularly post links from their blog or website, or even recommend people check out something new. Unfortunately the fact that they only do this some of the time shows up their lack of self belief. To be truly effective here you must talk about yourself, your business, product or blog all the time.
Have a new testimony on your blog? Cross post to all your networks to get all your fans to check it out! Remember- you are incredibly important to your fans, followers and connections- so they are bound to drop everything they're doing to check out your cool new testimony. Remember, it's not enough to do this occasionally- you must ooze your importance in every social media update!
You should also think about your biography on your social networks and on your blog. Sell yourself- mention how wonderful and influential you are! A good test of how effective you are here is by seeing whether you would be comfortable describing yourself like this to someone in real life. For example, if someone asked me what I did for a living, I'd hardly reply that I was a "World Wide Social Media Guru Expert and Top Ranked Power Influencer", but it's different online! Examples of phrases to use are:
- "Social Media Guru"
- "Expert"
- "Global Expert"
- "Top Level"
- "Power Influencer"
- "World's Number One"
5. Numbers are EVERYTHING!
6. Your Klout Score is The Guru Score
Bonus Tip: Misuse #HashTags
how do you feel about using # (pound) for groups. As in #barcamp [msg]?
— Chris Messina™ (@chrismessina) August 23, 2007
Chris Messina might have invented the hashtag on Twitter back in 2007, but he had it all wrong. Using the # for groups? Didn't he know hashtags are all about just looking cool? To be an effective Social Media Guru Master, you must use hashtags all the time, for no reason other than because, well, it looks cool and everyone else is doing it. Some social media people use hashtags to help with search, Twitter chats or to assign a tag or category. Avoid such tactics- just go hashtag mad!
7. Power Tip: Buy Reputation
8. Don't Worry about design
9. Don't Worry about content
The internet, business, social media and marketing has nothing to do with content. Some people say "Content is the currency of the web". As a Guru, you know that data is just a collection of 1s and 0s, so the quality of the content on your blog or social networks is not very important. With so much content on the web, it's pointless trying to make your content stand out- you didn't think people were actually going to read it did you?! What is important here is to deliver LOTS of low quality content. Recycle titles and basically lift content from other blogs. Use popular news sites like Mashable and recycle their content (maybe change a few words just to be safe). Surprisingly, global brand Coco-Cola famously changed from being focused on "creative excellence" to "content excellence". Coca-Cola, in this badly thought-through strategy, seem to be under the impression that content is more important than just showing how amazing you are!
Social Media Guru Tip 9: Don't Worry about Content! #socialmediaClick To Tweet
10. Use ALL the social platforms
11. Become a Retweet Master
12. Always Follow Back - the More the Better!
Unfortunately Twitter has recently made some changes to their "Rules of the Road"- effectively their terms and conditions in which they now have outlawed the technique of auto follow back or bulk following. Auto follow back is the practice of automatically following back someone who follows you. Don't let this perturb you! Remember, social media has the word "social" in it- so you need to connect with everyone on all the social platforms you are on (which of course is every single social network that exists). Some inexperienced social media "professionals" may tell you there is the potential of following large numbers of spammers, zombie accounts and people who have no interest in you- but as we've already discussed in point no.5- numbers are everything- so it doesn't really matter. Previously you could use a tool such as SocialOomph to do the auto follow back, but they've stopped offering the service due to Twitter's changes. Hopefully someone will come back with an app that replaces this as Twitter's changes have only made the Guru's job much more difficult.
13. Do LION on LinkedIn
14. Pop Up your Web site
Forget web standards and in fact think about the sanity of your website visitors- a true Social Media Guru needs to Bling up their website. This means plenty of special effects and blockades as the visitor walks through your website (if they get past the first page). Ideas to look at implementing could be an initial splash screen or a gate technique to instantly get people to sign up to your newsletter when the visitor wants to view an article on your site. Use pop ups on every page (don't give visitors the option for it to not appear next time) and use flash for snazzy effects (they won't work on most mobile devices- but who browses the web on a phone?!) If you put a roadblock in front of your visitor at every point, they will soon just give up and sign up for your mailing list. It works every time- 100% guaranteed!
Social Media Guru Tip 14: Forget Web Standards- Pop up your Website! #socialmediaClick To Tweet
15. It's all about Selling
16. Hide behind your business - Be B2B or B2C
International author, professor, international speaker and marketing consultant Mark Schaefer talks about being people-centred in his book "The Tao of Twitter". He says we should stop thinking of a business as "Business to Business" (B2B) or "Business to Consumer" (B2C) because people have a deep desire to connect and have a relationship with real people- i.e. Person to Person (P2P). Mark Schaefer should be ashamed of himself for such "touchy feely" nonsense! To be a truly effective Social Media Guru, you should hide behind your corporate identity. It is also important to make sure that your corporate identity has nothing to do with you or your personality. Hide behind it and be corporate- people will be truly impressed by how professional you are!
17. Never admit mistakes - You know Everything!
18. Learn the Art of One Way Communication
19. Always respond with just a few words or not at all
Remember, to be a Social Media Guru you must act like a Social Media Guru. You are very important- so act important. Once you rise up to the heights of a Social Media Guru you'll soon receive large numbers of mentions on Twitter, Facebook & LinkedIn comments and emails. If you really must reply- do this selectively and with as few words as possible. You must give the impression that you are far too busy to deal with your fan base. This is particularly effective if a fan has sent you a very long email and you reply with just two words. You don't want to give the impression that you care or want to build upon a relationship!
20. Hold Back on your Mystical Secrets
Want More Steps? Read On...
There was me thinking 20 steps was enough. But no, you wanted more. So, I've published an article with 9 More Hot Tips on how you can reach the giddy heights of guru stardom. Have a read, but make sure you are sitting down first!
Since you published this Klout has disappeared, so we won’t have to worry about that reputation anymore. I’m afraid too many will take this seriously. In fact, I’m sure I’ve run across people on Twitter who consider this gospel. As you can see, I’ll never be a social media guru. I really do want to communicate.
Hi Barbara,
Yes, you’re right. People have thought this was a serious article. I’ve tried to make the irony clear, but to no avail. I didn’t want to be too obvious because that makes it less funny, but I think I’ll put a bigger warning now! And yes, Klout has disappeared. I actually liked it a lot. I never took it overly seriously, but it was a bit of an indicator as to how you were doing. It’s just that it was easily abused!
And, I am so glad you want to communicate. That’s what social media is all about! Unfortunately, so many have lost that ability! Ian
20…………………never share your social media secrets in a blog. By the time I’d reached 20 it was clear no secrets would be shared but common sense dressed us as secret information was in abundance
Excellent article Ian.
I have printed it to read it in detail one more time!
Would love to connect and talk to you.
Very useful tips. I like the way of explanation of all the points, but I am confused with 6th point (Klout Score). When I tried to open the website (Klout), it’s showing me the error. I am bookmarking your blog and follow each and every step in the future.
I was taking notes until the bonus step. ? Dammit why.
Oops, sorry! 😉
Best article ever! Really helpful information. Thank you 🙂
Glad you liked it! 🙂
Very funny and nice Article…………..
So glad it made you laugh and you enjoyed it!
OMG! SO, SO FUNNY! Thoroughly enjoyed sir! There’s a stand-up set in here — please tell me it’s coming to YouTube soon. 🙂
Hi, Kimberly. So glad you enjoyed this! It might be interesting to do a Youtube version.. you got me thinking! 🙂
Was very worried this was legitimate…once I caught the joke I truly enjoyed the laugh!
Thank you for sharing and encouraging critical thought!
Glad you found it funny, Tim! Hopefully it was educational too! Ian