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How to Be Uniquely You on Live Video with Jenny Ainsworth

By Ian Anderson Gray

Confident Live Marketing Podcast

Episode 37

Episode Theme: Confidence & Mindset

January 31, 2020

EP 37 - Blog Image

When you go live, do a webinar, record a podcast…

Are you being yourself?

Or are you hiding behind a façade? Putting a mask on? Hiding your true self?

What if embracing who you are (including your flaws) and being uniquely you allows you to grow a passionate audience who love you - and want to buy from you?

I saw Jenny Ainsworth at the Youpreneur Summit in 2018 and was blown away by her presentation on being Uniquely You. It was so uplifting and inspiring. I’d say it was liberating.

After this podcast episode, Jenny changed her last name from Flintoft to Ainsworth.

We Cover...

  • Do you get nervous before getting in front of the camera or on stage? Do you have any tips?
  • Any disastrous moments?
  • You mentioned the inner voice in your talk at Youpreneur. That voice that questions whether we can do our job. Why do we struggle with this?
  • It’s so easy to try and be somebody else on live video. What should we do about that?
  • How do we tell our stories? How do we become Uniquely ourselves?
  • How do we get out of our box?

Episode 37

Ian: Hello! It's the Confident Live Marketing Podcast with Ian Anderson Gray. I'm very excited... we're going to be talking about how to be uniquely you on live video with Jenny Flintoft.

Jenny Flintoft Headshot 1

Who is Jenny Ainsworth?

Jenny’s business and passion is making a positive difference through inspired learning, facilitation and consulting. That shows up through her designing and delivering memorable leadership, personal development and corporate events.

Her last corporate position was working for Disney as their Training Manager for Europe, and she left there to set up her own leadership and business consultancy. Since then, she’s been privileged to work on almost every continent globally, both as an Event Speaker and delivering high-impact training and development solutions to thousands of people of all ages, cultures and backgrounds.

Visit Jenny's website >>

Ian: Jenny, it's great to have you on the show.

Jenny: Delighted to be here. Thanks for inviting me.

Ian: It's great to have you on. I was just reading that before and I was thinking, you know, you have the privilege to work on almost all continents, so I have to ask you, when is your first keynote in Antarctica going to happen?

Jenny: Exactly.

Ian: I'm sure that the penguins they need, they need help. They definitely do. So. Right. No, it's great. It's great to have you on. And yeah, we were going to be talking about, being uniquely you. We'll go into more detail, obviously as we go through the show and what that actually means, but. A lot of this really comes from when I first saw you at the Youpreneur Summit in London back in 2018 and you'd been invited by Chris Ducker to talk on stage about being uniquely you, and I have to admit, I was spellbound by your talk.

It just had such an impact on me. And so ever since then, I've been excited about having you on.  And so, yeah, we, we managed to, to make that happen. Last end of last year, the Youpreneur 2019

Jenny: Yeah, and it was great. There's definitely so much synergy and connection and not just what we do, but just the way we think, our approach in life. So I'm really, really glad to be here.

The Quiz

Ian: No, it's great. It's great to have you on. So I didn't tell you about this, but we're going to do a bit of a quick quiz. This is just to get to know you. There's no right or wrong answer about this. You're looking slightly concerned, but don't worry. These are all, these are all, fine questions.

So yeah, I'm going to play the theme music, because this is just finding out a little bit more about you. Simple questions.

So let's start off with the first question. Are you ready, Jenny?

Yeah, as ready as you're ever going to be!

Question 1: Okay. Right! So the first question is, what is your favorite type of food?

Jenny: Oh, I'd have to go for Italian every time.

Ian: I'm impressed. Yeah.

Jenny: Just everything to do with Italian Mediterranean food get in me

Ian: As good and healthy. You know, the Mediterraneans, the Italians, they, they live a long life, don't they?

Down to their food. So if you have to choose a particular type of Italian food, what would it be?

Jenny: Oh gosh.

Ian: is that difficult to choose?

Jenny: Too difficult too, yeah, just, I just love the freshness. I love the cheese and the tomato. Yeah and long and healthy life, and I absolutely determined to see my century on this earth. So yeah, bring it on.

Ian: That sounds good. Well, I'm definitely with you on that one. I love, I love that kind of food.

Question 2: Okay. Right. Next question. So if you had to choose which one would it be? Mac or PC?

Jenny: Mac all the way.

Ian: It's so funny. When we have the Mac, the Mac fans is always really passionate and actually most people, most people on the show have been Mac users, but we had somebody recently, this is Christine, last episode. She said both and I was like, Oh my goodness. I was having to find on my, I'm on my little Stream Deck here, I was trying to find the other button, which is this.

Yeah, so that's great. Okay. Any particular reason why Mac? Have you always been a Mac user?

Jenny: For a long time. A good 10 years. Yeah. Yeah, absolutely.

Ian: Cool. Right.

Question 3: Next question, which is... Your favorite kind of music.

Jenny: Oh well... If I had to choose my favorite music, and this might come as a massive shock to people, I don't want you to throw, throw me off the... but I love punk.

Punk music, and in fact, 1976 to about 1984 is my favorite, favorite sort of period of time. But yeah, punk music is where I'm at, baby.

Ian: Well that's fab, we haven't had any punk fans on the show yet, so that's good. I, I'm a big fan of diversity of music. I've got quite an eclectic taste. I, I like opera and classical stuff, but I also like Bjork and, trance music as well. So, we're all a little, a bit weird, aren't we? Some that's good, we need to embrace our weirdness!

Not that Punk's weird. It's, it's, it's... Sorry!

It's going to be, it's gotta to be me that's going to be chucked off the show next.

So, great. Okay.

Question 4: If you had to make, this, this is the next question. If you had to choose between a Krispy Kreme donut and a banana, which one would it be?

Jenny: This is the worst question in the world because listen, I cannot stand Krispy Kreme donuts. I can't even, the thought to them brings me honestly, no, and I hate bananas.

Now fun fact...

I know. And even in the high chair as a baby, you know, when you first introduce new food, my mum said,  I always, always just would not tolerate, bananas.

Never be, and never liked them since even things like broccoli and all of that. As a kid, I was like "bring it on!". Bananas. No. So Ian, I cannot answer this question.

Ian: That's okay. You're not the only one. We had the same issue last week. I didn't think this was going to be a controversial topic, but it obviously is, so, ah, there we go. That's, that's absolutely fine. I'm not massively into bananas myself. And I don't eat Krispy Kreme donuts. So I can empathize.

Question 5: That's okay. Right. Okay. So this, I, I added this question then for, for obvious reasons, which is, what is your favorite Disney character?

Jenny: Oh gosh. I think.

Oh, there's so many. I'm conscious of time.

You know, at the moment I'm going to change. I'm going to go for, I was going to say Tigger, but I'm actually going to say Moana.

So, Moana. She was somebody who sort of went against the grain. There was a, there was a plan that was mapped out by her family-  a line that she had to, to go down, and she felt very strongly that that wasn't her path and she had another path.

And I feel really strongly about that, you know, in terms of all of us just follow one that we think we should go down so Moana. Yeah, she's the one at the moment.

Ian: Love that. Great. Great answer!

Question 6: So the final question is, okay, bit more of a techie one,this. Your favorite app. If you have to choose an app, what would it be?

Jenny: At the moment. I'm loving Instagram. I appreciate it's not an app, but yeah, I'm loving Instagram at the moment.

Ian: No, it is an app in a way. It's, I mean, whether it's a productivity tool is another matter, but it's, Instagram's great.

Jenny: Right. It is. So, yeah, that's, that's going to be the one that I choose for now.

Ian: That's cool. Well I'll allow you that one. That's fine.

Do you get Nervous?

So  I just want to ask you, you know,  this show is about live video. We talk about either the mindset of getting in front of the camera, we talk about the tech or the content.

Do you get nervous before you get in front of the camera or on stage. Because a lot of people do , and they feel that they're the only one. You've done a lot of speaking all around the world, do you find a difference between speaking on stage between that and getting front of the camera?

Jenny: Not really. I really wanted to not come across as arrogant, but, I feel quite comfortable in front of a camera speaking and I feel really comfortable on a stage. Here's my thing that I hate. I hate my photograph getting taken so you talking previously, I'm just going to my website redone and having to try and capture me, you know, just on, on a photo.

That is the thing that I think I caught stand it. I really have a lack of confidence because I, when I tried to sort of stand casually next minute, my, my teeth had drawn back and I, before all I know that I look a complete...!

So that's my thing. I'm a bit nervous about that. But in terms of video and being on stage, no.

Ian: Mm. Was that to think I was always the case? Or do you think you just, you've done it a lot so you've become more, more confident over the, over the years.

Jenny: When I was, in primary school and elementary school, I was really crippled by anxiety. I was a really nervous, really shy kid. And I can remember when I got to 11 and in the UK, we've moved to secondary school, high school when we were 11. I can remember at age 11, thinking. I can't go to high school feeling like this, feeling so nervous all the time.

So, now looking back now a hundred years, when I was 11, I recognized that it was about working on my mindset. I didn't know this at the time, but there was something definite about, I don't want to feel like I someone to feel differently. So how I want to feel let's walk in those and see what it's like.

And so now I can't tell you whether it's a learned behavior or whether it's just me, but I can tell you it works.

Ian: Well that's awesome. So for some people watching or listening, you know, if you are feeling nervous. There is hope, you know, you don't always have to be like that, you know? And certainly my experience has been when I first started going live, I was really nervous and I've got better over the years.

And it's funny, I do find speaking on stage, I can speak in front of hundreds or I suppose even though I would still feel nervous speaking in front of a thousand people, but at the start I felt more comfortable doing that than getting in front of the camera, which is a weird thing. But over the years it's got easier.

Which is, mm, yeah,

Jenny: I know. That's a good message to everybody, isn't it? You know, the first time, even 10 times, you might still think, Oh, good grief. You know? But actually, rather than that was terrible. Again, it's just thinking to yourself, no, it's a work in progress. Now I recognize that, that that could be better.

It will be better. So are you being problem focused or are you being solutions focused? And I think we're both about encouraging people to be solutions focused aren't we?

Struggling with the Inner Voice

Ian:  Definitely. So at the beginning of your talk at Youpreneur back in 2018 you were, you were talking about the inner voice. And I thought that was great because  I haven't really gone to many talks the person at the front has actually been quite honest and open about this.

And I think it's something that most of us struggle with. We know that what we do as business owners is great. We know that we can do our job really, really well. But then there's this voice in our heads, and I love the way you said it. It's kind of like, "can you though?"

There's this kind of little voice in your head that says, "yeah, but can you?"

Do you want to tell us about that and, and how do we get over that inner voice trying to tell us that we're no good?

Jenny: Well, the first thing I want to say is if you have an inner voice that's telling you some things. That's just an imagined voice. It's just a real voice. And there's no point in saying, don't worry about it because that's not going to help anybody. But I think sometimes when we are trying to find our confidence, we say... "yes, I can do this thing and I can make a video and I can, put myself on video! Yes, absolutely, I can!"

And then voices starts saying, "Can you really?"

"Do people rarely want to hear from you?"

And then you've got this battle of which one do you listen to? And inevitably we'll listen to the one that says, "can you really?" et cetera. So how do we turn that down? And again there's always an element of truth.

So your voice saying to you, "can you do it?" isn't suggesting that you can't. If you actually just look at those words in a sentence, if they're written down, can you do it? The answer is "yes I can".

Now, a different question might be. "Am I going to be perfect first time round?" And the answer is "no, of course, I'm not!"

I like to take myself down a series of questions because I think sometimes when we don't have confidence, everything is this big and it's that bad, and this is going to happen and before we know it, we've "catastrophized" everything. Is that word "catastrophized"?

Ian: it is now. It is now.

Jenny’s Tip on How to Just Do it and Go Live

Jenny: So it's going to be terrible.

How likely is it that it's going to be absolutely terrible? Highly unlikely. So let's just go down again and have a think about this. And actually we get to a point where. We're sort of coaching ourselves inwardly, which is okay. So the thing that I'm nervous about is actually just doing it. So maybe I should grab my phone, go down into the kitchen,  start making a cup of tea or cup of coffee and film myself as if I am telling somebody how to make a cup of coffee. So yes, I'm just grabbing the kettle now and I like to use this and this is my coffee of choice, and just get used to talking and talking, and it's almost a stream of confidence.

And then go back and look at it. And challenge yourself to find, five things that you like. One thing that you would focus on more if you had to do it again.

Because, if you just go "right, let me have a look at it".  Our brains go straight to "Oh! Look at my hair! Oh, listen to me! Oh! I've said to too many... Ugh!" And we go to everything that we hate. But if you train your brain to look for the five things that have gone well. You will find them.

And then if you say to yourself, and what's the one thing that I need to focus on more? That is something that's manageable. It's something that actually you will choose the biggest priority, which is ultimately what we're trying to get to. And it will stop you nitpicking.

It will take you to what needs to happen to make this better. And honestly, if you can just do that, it will be so helpful for anybody out there who's thinking about making videos.

Ian’s Live Video Confidence Tip

Ian: I love that. And you make it, make it so simple. And I think it is simple. We tend to overcomplicate it in our heads. And I also love the fact that you've set the ratio at five to one, which is really, really cool.

So I had similar, kind of way that I work with clients, which is - watch yourself. Then come up with three positive things, three things that you did really, really well. And then what are three things that you can do to improve?

But I think I actually prefer yours because you're saying, no, no, no, no, no, not three...


You're only allowed to say one thing.

And that's really hard because it's so much easier to think of all the negative stuff. We also had Christine Tremoulet last week was talking about... One thing that she does with her clients. So she's a photographer,  So you were mentioning you don't like your photo taken, and she has the same issue with all the clients.

So what she tends to do now is she meets up with her clients afterwards and she looks through the photos together and she finds that actually those people find it far more difficult to be negative in front of her because she's taking them through it. So maybe that's another thing you could do, meet up with somebody else.

Jenny: Yeah, that's a great bit of advice.

Ian:  Great. Well yeah, that's, that's exciting stuff.  I've definitely learned something there.

Stop Trying Not to be You. It’s Exhausting!

So just to say we've got some lovely, wonderful people watching here. We've got Carrie Reagh here. She says "so important to be you. I think it's harder to try and be something that you aren't."

That's a really important point because actually trying to be somebody else... it's actually really tiring, isn't it? It's exhausting!

Jenny: Yes, yes, it is. I'm actually looking, I've got a couple of pictures behind me, on the other side of my room is the famous Judy Garland quote that says, be a first-rate version of yourself rather than a second-rate version of somebody else. So I completely agree. Was it Carrie, did you say?

Ian: Yes, it was Carrie.

Jenny: Completely agree with you, Carrie. It's really tiring because you're constantly thinking, or does this fit? Is this right? And all that extra energy and effort is taking away from you just doing a good job, a great job. So I think, we want our effort and our energy to go into our strengths and our strength is not trying to be somebody else, believe me.

Ian: You're so right there. It's hard work.

We've got Stomp Training saying, "I think it's easier to speak live to an audience where you can measure response".

I think that's probably one of the reasons why I find it easier speaking in front of a live audience. Because I can actually see the audience, whereas at the moment I'm actually just looking at a camera. Yes, I can see you, Jenny, but I can't actually see the individual people in the audience, which is an interesting one.

So going back to this whole thing of trying to be ourselves. I look around and I see this so often. I think I've become quite good at spotting when somebody is not being themselves.

And I think, actually, to be honest, most of us as human beings are quite good at spotting when people aren't being themselves. So I suppose there's a two-part question here, which is, first of all, why do we try and be other people and how can we be ourselves? So maybe let's focus on that first one.

Why is this so hard being ourselves? You know, what, why do we focus on trying to be somebody else, whether it's on live video or just online, or just as we meet people?

The Curse of Wanting to be Liked

Jenny: Because I think there's always that fear of "will I be liked?" And human beings... we're wired for connection. We're wired for relationships. And so there's that feeling of, "please like me, please like me". And of course, when we're in that place of, "please like me", it's almost like we believe we're lacking something, even though we've not actually said that to ourselves. There's clearly a belief that, if I'm having to really, really, really hope that somebody is going to like me. It's because as a result of me feeling, I'm not enough. And so I can understand that it happens, and where that stems from. But ultimately what we've got to think of is, there are people that you are friends with who you would share certain things with.

And other pieces of information. You think... You know, what? That's, that's not right for Ian, you know? So I'm going to share that with Steve. I'm going to share that with Jane. So actually we have got different audiences in our life, people who connect more deeply with, people who don't connect particularly with. There will be people in your circle because they have to be in your circle through work, church, community schools, whatever. And, honestly, out of choice, you wouldn't hang about with them.

So we have that. But yet when it comes to business, it's almost like we forget all of that and it's, "everybody must like me". Whereas we forget that actually that's just not possible, and it's certainly not an ideal either.

So once you can get into that spirit of "not everybody is going to absolutely connect with me" and that's great. But the people who do connect with me really connect with me. So I want to forge relationships and bonds with those people, rather than people who I'm inviting into my home all the time, cooking nice meals for them, and I just don't like their company! You know? We've got to recognize that life... We have to replicate that in business as well.

Ian: Yeah, yes, you're so right and at the end of the day, we want clients, customers that are our ideal customers, people that we actually want to work with. And so if you attract absolutely everybody, you're going to get the nutters as well. I mean, maybe you'll, maybe you'll still get the nuts as if you yourself, but…

Hopefully not. But, this whole issue that so many of us struggle with, which is the, the wanting to be liked. I mean, I'm sure that stems back to our childhood and in the, in the playground or, you know, I think, you mentioned in your talk about the whole, you know, in sports where these two people are picking for the team, and you're the last one. Yeah. That's happened to me. And I, you know, I'm sure a lot of that kind of like, it's a, we carry that those thinkings into our adult life and into our business. Maybe.

Focus on your Ideal Audience

Jenny: Yeah, we do. And you know, nobody likes rejection.  it's a challenging emotion. And I still try not to look too much at my list of who subscribed and who's unsubscribed. And I know that's the worst thing to be telling guys in business because you are supposed to be on top of it, but I'm terrible.

But occasionally, I'll see, you know, I'll look and I'll see, X person subscribed or unsubscribed or that person has been subscribed and yeah, there is still that initial...  (laughs)  But then that's fine. If I'm not giving them what they need, then I'm not giving them what they need. You do know that? So I think as soon as you can release yourself from that, then, that's the best thing.

Ian: Well, I think it's particularly difficult if you're, you know, for so many, many of the people in my audience watching this or listening to this are solopreneurs can't think of a better word. You know, they're small businesses -  they are the face of their business. And so it is easier to take those things personally.

You know, you see somebody unsubscribe,  in a bigger business. It's not going to affect you in the same way. Is it? Because it's not a personal thing. But I think as business owners,  we should look at the numbers, but in the sense that we'll, maybe we can learn something.

So maybe people have unsubscribed because of something that you haven't done right. But it's equally possible that they're not right for you. They're not the right audience for you. You're not the right business for them.

So, this is a big problem when we put ourselves out online on video. Because one big problem that people have is what I call comparison syndrome. You can look at other people in your industry and see what they're doing, and then you can say, well, I could never be like that.

"I'm an introvert, I'm quiet. I can't be as full, full-on energy as they are, or they're so much better than us."

And yes, there are things like, well, maybe you're comparing your first or second video with their hundredth video. I've heard that a lot.

Jenny: Right.

How big a problem is Comparison Syndrome for Entrepreneurs?

Ian: I mean,  do you think that's a big issue for entrepreneurs? The whole comparison thing and how can we stop doing that and how can we start being a champion for our own delivery, our own way of doing things, and how can we embrace this whole idea of being uniquely ourselves?

Jenny: Yeah. I think you know, the comparison is always going to creep in. And you know, I've always said, absolutely watch people and learn and think "I loved the way that that was phrased". Or "that was great, I liked that".

But look at it from a lens of learning rather than a lens of lack, as in I'm lacking versus them. So I think that's important.

Learn to be Incompetent

The second thing is for me,  I get far more comments when I am, incompetent!

Now, let me explain what I mean. I do a lot of webinars. Live webinars for corporates, and there can be 500 people on a webinar attending one point. So they're seeing me,  they are seeing some slides as well. It's still interactive, even though I can't physically speak to them. There's all the chat function going on like you said. To start off with when, you know, I first started in, you know, having 10 people chatting. I think it's frying my brain, it's frying my brain! Now I'm actually able to manage it clearly. You never get 500 people talking, but there might be a hundred people.

And depending on what they feel, "what about this situation?"

"Yeah, well, I've had that".

Sometimes it'll trigger something off for me and I'll say, "Oh yeah, I'm sure I had a book on that I haven't had to. Oh, hang on a minute." And so I'll go off track trying to find this book. "Alright, I'm back. It's here!"

Or "What was the name of that? ... do you know, I can't re... Oh, it'll come back to me!"

I'm a bit like that rather than being slick, et cetera. And then at the end. What I've found, and this has been especially this last 12 months, I have got more feedback of saying "that's the best session I've ever been on from a webinar perspective, live webinar. It was so real!"

"It was so interesting. It was so engaging and I felt like I was in the room with her."

Now the first couple of times I got it, that was great, but when I was going to get numerous times last year, I thought, you know what? That's it! They don't want slick. People don't want slick. They want real, and they want people to think, "Oh do you know, I'm not really sure about that."

"Let me have a think about that!"

Well, they, they love the realness of it because that was intimacy and engagement.

Being Uniquely You: They don't want slick. People don't want slick. They want real! - @JennyFlintoft Click To Tweet

Stop Making your Live Broadcasts too slick!

Ian: Oh, I love that. I'm so glad you mentioned that because it's something I feel strongly about but can be a little bit of a struggle if you're a bit of a perfectionist, and it's not to say that you shouldn't try and make things slick, but actually, if that gets in the way of you being yourself. Then I think you've got a bit of a problem and, and I totally agree with this, the whole idea that people are fed up with slick. one of my big problems is with Facebook ads or Instagram, you know, the Instagram in story ads.

And I just find myself like skipping through. Some stories sometimes, and then I can think, well, why did I do that? And I go back and have a look. I thought, Oh, because that was a slick marketing video, and it just this like something in my brain, like, automatically skips it because it's just like, I know that I'm not going to be interested in it.

I wonder whether it's the same kind of thing that actually we just, as human beings, we're wired to connect with other human beings and if we're trying to be this robot and slick thing, then it's not going to work, is it?

Serve Your Audience’s Needs

Jenny: And the thing is what you've got to think about as all of us are trying to serve a need. And if somebody's got a need, it's because they think they are missing something.  So for me, my skills are on leadership and on motivation and getting the best out of yourself, getting the best out of others.

So people are looking for that. They don't want somebody who is an absolute perfect leader. Perfect this. Perfect the other.

Because then it becomes exactly what we've just said. It's too unattainable! You're not the right person for me because you've got no worries! And I want to share with people. and say,

"I have got worries a lot, but actually what I want to share with you is things that I know have worked, where I've got my fingers burnt I've had my bum cheeks nipped! And actually I want to share this with you so you don't have to go through as much pain. There's still gonna be an element of wrestling through but let me share with you some of these things or what or how they help me.”

And that's the thing that people then connect and think

"Thank you for not being patronizing, for not being elevated, above me looking down, but talking to me, right on a level."

So I really encourage everybody who's listening - that is what people are seeking.

Ian: Totally agree. So there's this word that people use a lot - it's the whole authenticity thing and I think it's overused, but you're totally right. It's being real. It's sharing the struggles that we've had, but it's not doing that in a way that you're putting on show your dirty laundry and, we all go through difficult days, so maybe one day you're going through really bad depression, it's probably not a good idea for you to go on live video and share that.

But if you've gone through a difficult time and it makes sense for you to share that, to make a point, in your business. Would you say that's the right way?

Empathize with your Audience’s Situation

Jenny: Right? I think so. I think so. Is it a bit like business owners who say, I'm earning, 400 million pounds or dollars an hour, and I only work six minutes a week. They say it in a way that's supposed to be aspirational. For me personally, it's not aspirational. It's almost like speaking to Jeff Bezos from Amazon.

We're not even in the same let alone league, you know, universe! So actually I don't find that aspirational. I just find it overwhelming. But to have somebody who's just a bit further up,  who I do find aspirational, who I do feel is human and understands some of my pain. That's who I want to learn from.

Ian: I love that.  I want to give a big amen to that because I feel the same thing.  I've seen some people speak and they're, they're talking about seven-figure, eight-figure incomes and all this kind of stuff. And it's great that they're successful, but they've kind of maybe lost touch with the audience they're speaking to.

And, if we are successful, that's great, but we need to remember what it was like when we were first starting out. I think empathy is such an important emotion when it comes to all of this. Wouldn't you say?

Empathize with your Audience’s Situation If we are successful, that's great, but we need to remember what it was like when we were first starting out. Empathy is such an important emotion when it comes to all of this. Click To Tweet

Jenny: It really is. It's critical. You know, because I read a phrase recently, and forgive me because I'm, I'm paraphrasing, but it's something like...

"Pain is universal when you come out of it. But while you're walking through, it's intensely personal."

Now that's talking about, you know, a pain. So situations, whatever it might be, you know, people say, "you know what you want to do, you want to do X, you want to be doing Y?"

And you think, "you've no idea what it's like to be me going through this!"

When we come out the other side. And get our learning. And it doesn't have to be pain pain.  We do look back and you think, "you know what he wants to do, she wants to do", and we forget what it feels like, in that moment when we're experiencing it.

And so I think empathy is a really critical, critical tool that we should never ever leave out of our, of our tool kit as business providers.

Being Authentic

Ian: Thanks for the reminder, Jenny, because one of the things that I wanted to do in this podcast is to, to try and to try and be authentic, to try and talk about my struggles as well as the successes. And interestingly, I. I don't think I've done as much of the struggles as well as, as much as I thought I would.

And I think I need to share some of those stories. The times when I have struggled more because I think it's really important because one of the things that people, people do struggle. We've talked about, you know, comparison syndrome, things like that. They look at other people and they only see their successes.

And actually I want to say to people, you know what? I've, I've struggled. I remember the first time I pressed my go live button, and I was petrified. And there's been lots of disasters and there have been lots of things over the time, but I've, I have managed to get through it, but I want to show to people that they can do it too.

But they need to believe in themselves and, and maybe, yeah. A showing some of those, there's difficult times as well as the positives is going to be really helpful there.

Jenny and the Front of House Gentleman with a Stammer

Jenny: Absolutely. And can I just share one really quick story? If we have time.

Now, this doesn't relate to video. But, and I've only just posted about this on LinkedIn.

Last weekend, I went out for lunch with my family and we went to a really well-known restaurant. You can never just get in. You have to book. So it's great.

When we arrived, the front-of-house, gentleman, welcomed us, got our names. Took us to our table,  talked to us through the specials, talked us through the lay of the land, took our drinks order, explained who our serving staff would be, you know, wished us a great experience.

So what, you're thinking? This guy had a serious stammer and every few words he had to just pause, regroup, do sort of a quick, sharp intake of breath and then carry on. Now that aside, he was friendly. He was warm. He was efficient. He was relaxed. Everything that is needed in a front of house manager at a really well-known restaurant.

And he happened to have a stammer.

So we sat down, and my 15-year old said, that is the bravest thing I've ever seen.

You know, I put on my post today, which in and of itself I think is incredible because, at 15, all you want to do is fit in. You don't want anything to draw attention to you. So even for her to notice this, I said, yeah, it is, but do you know what, what's really interesting?

He has looked at himself and think, I've got all the skills to do that. There's this bit of me as well, but actually all my skills far outweigh that, that thing. So it's not a thing. And I also love the fact that this restaurant had recognized that and thought, you know what? Rather than hiding him away, he's the best guy for the job who happens to, to have a stammer.

Stop Using Your Flaws as an Excuse

So I think that any of us on stage, on video, there will always be a thing. You might think, "Oh, I've  got sticky-out ears!"

"Oh, I don't like this bit..."

"Oh, I say some word too much"


But actually, everything else that you've got to offer is far bigger and far greater. And far more wonderful than that thing.

So don't make your thing a thing!

Stop Using Your Flaws as an Excuse! Actually, everything else that you've got to offer is far bigger and far greater. And far more wonderful than that thing. So don't make your thing a thing! - @JennyFlintoft Click To Tweet

What are your Strengths?

Ian: Love that!

Make a list of all your strengths of all the things that your good at.

And if you're like me,  and you couldn't do that...

So I went on this course, this leadership course, and one of the things we had to do is write down our strengths. I couldn't do it at all, so I had to get my wife to come in and say, "no, you're good at that, and that and that!"

I thought, "Oh yeah, I am!"


Do that!

And something like the Strength Finders course, I don't know if you've?...

Jenny: Yes. Yep.

Ian: A great, great thing. Helps you with all of those.

Sponsor: Restream

Well. I don't want to forget our sponsor, which is

So restream is a great tool. It's a great service that allows you to multicast.

Now, if that might sound a bit technical, but basically what I'm doing today, I'm not just going live to one platform. Well, I was just going live to Facebook. I'm going live to Facebook, YouTube, LinkedIn, live, and Periscope all at the same time. Now, that sounds really fancy and, and complicated, but it doesn't need to be.

I wouldn't necessarily recommend this for beginners, but once you've got your confidence with the tech and everything else sorted, then you can use restream to allow you to stream to multiple platforms all at the same time. And they have a plethora, I love that word.

Plethora of destinations, including LinkedIn Live, Facebook Live, YouTube Live, Twitch, Periscope, and so much more. So you can stream from another tool and stream that to Restream and then Restream will take that and broadcast it to all those different platforms and do it really, really easily.

But it doesn't just do that. I mean actually Restream is the complete multi-streaming suite for entrepreneurs. It allows you to do more than just multicasting. It has a chat feature, analytics and a scheduler as well. So with the chat service, for example, you can view and engage with all the comments. So across all the audiences of where you're streaming to.

And I've been really blown away by the analytics section. So this allows you to look at the metrics of your live stream, and see how many viewers, how much they've watched of your live streams and new followers and more. And then finally,  the scheduler allows you to broadcast prerecorded video live.

So if you're a little bit nervous about going completely live, you can prerecord and then go live with that video as well.

If you want to find out more, if you want to sign up and have a play, just go to

How do we Be Authentically Ourselves Practically?

Great. So we're nearly out of time, but finally, you've made the case for being ourselves, embracing ourselves, but how do we then put that forward practically? How do we tell our story, on a live video, for example? And how do we embrace that uniqueness?  Maybe there's some part of us that we're trying to hide away and we're worried about putting that out online.

Just a quick story for, you know, one of the things that, for me, I tried to hide away was the fact that I trained as a singer, as a professional classical singer, and I thought, Oh, nobody's interested in that. But over time, thanks to lots of really amazing friends, they said. Ian, what are you talking about? That's absolutely what sets you apart.

And so that's what I do in this live video.  We have a little theme music at the beginning that I sing along and sing to, and I do embrace that, but it's taken me a long time. So how, how do we get to that point? How do we just tell our stories and how do we unique maybe our strangeness, if that's the right way to put it?

Being Vulnerable

Jenny: Yeah. Yeah. I think, you know, you've got to choose what you want to share. you know, this, so we're so multifaceted as a, as human beings, you know, so much of the word that Brené Brown does about being vulnerable, et cetera, this is about completely exposing. Everything, because there's an element of you, want to keep certain things for you, you know?

However, there are certain things that, that you might be thinking, "oh I don't know... I just don't know whether I should share that."

Really try and connect with what's, what's your fear, what are you worried about? Because I, I find so often that once a little piece of you is shared, somebody else goes...

"Oh, my good grief that happened to me. Oh, Oh, Oh, good grief. Oh, I thought that."

And straight away you get that whole connection, and it's that that people connect with.

Don't try and put across an image of perfection. It doesn't exist. It doesn't exist, you know, be you. Share your stories.

Stories are how we learn. Stories or how we make sense of the world. Stories are how we grow. Stories or how we inspire.  Tell your story. They might be a couple of chapters that you keep to yourself, but actually, I'd be surprised. I think there are quite a few chapters that the a, you need to get out there in the world.

Ian: I love that.  You don't have to do it all at once. you were talking about,  last year with your webinars and, you found that just. Being a bit more raw and yourself had more of an impact.

And so, maybe you're doing more of that now and you're, you're embracing that. So doing a little bit of it at a time and learning from that experience.

Well, thanks, Jenny.

Is there anything else you'd like to share in terms of this whole issue of being uniquely you? I mean, I think we've probably talked a lot about it. We could probably talk for like a whole other podcast episode about it.

Focus on Your Strengths and Provide Value

Jenny: We really could, I think, you know, start looking at who you are and all your strengths, rather than looking at all the things that you're not. We've got the things that we're not in abundance, so many things that we're not, but actually, what I worry about, things that we're not, let's focus on the things that we're great at and look at how we can dial those and share those with the world. So we really connect with people and really make a difference in our value. And I suspect that many of you have got far more talents, qualities, and strengths than you've ever, ever thought possible. So start uncovering them, and start being proud of them.

Ian: So true.  I've discovered that a lot where I've met people, in, in real life that I, I know online. We've had a conversation -  there's something about them that's so interesting. But they've never shared. I'm thinking, why haven't you shared that? That would be so, so interesting. So, which is great.

Yeah. Carrie says she's like, glad that, I shared that I'm a singer. That's interesting. So that's, that's good. Thank you for that, Carrie. Well, it's been great to have you on, Jenny.

So how can people find out more about you? Where's the best place to follow you?  What's your website address?

Jenny: Literally

Come and see me there. Also on, on Facebook also on Instagram. LinkedIn. Just come and seek me out.

Ian: That'd be great. Well, I'll put all the links to all your social networks in the show notes, so that'll be

So yeah, do stalk Jenny and in a nice way of course! Because she's great. Thank you so much. It's been great to have you on.

So until next time, I encourage you to level up your impact authority and profits using confident live video. See you soon. Bye.

Thanks for listening to the Confident Live Marketing Podcast with Ian Anderson Gray. Be sure to join the community at where you can continue to level up your impact or authority and profits through the power of live video. And, until next time, toodle-oo!

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The Confident Live Marketing Show

The Confident Live Marketing Show is a weekly live video show and podcast. It’s aimed at established entrepreneurs who want to level up their impact, authority and profits through the power of live video, webinars and podcasts. We’ll focus on knocking down the 3 main barriers these entrepreneurs face when creating live content - camera confidence/mindset, tech/gear and content marketing.

It’s hosted by Ian Anderson Gray. He is the founder of the Confident Live Marketing Academy and is the host of the Confident Live Marketing Podcast. He helps entrepreneurs to level up their impact, authority and profits by using live video confidently. He’s founder of Seriously Social - a blog focused on live video and social media tools. He’s an international speaker, trainer, teacher and consultant. He has a passion for making the techno-babble of live video and social media marketing easy to understand. As well as being a geek, husband, and dad to two kids, Ian is also a professional singer and lives near Manchester in the UK.


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About Ian

Ian Anderson GrayIan is the founder of the Confident Live® Marketing Academy and helps entrepreneurs to level up their impact, authority and profits by using live video confidently. Seriously Social is a blog focussed on live video and social media tools. He’s an international speaker, trainer, teacher and consultant.

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