We’ve talked about confidence a lot on this show. But what actually is it? And what is it NOT? Are we all born with it?
Going live can be scary, a real test of our confidence but it’s also an amazing and rewarding adventure – both business-wise and personally. And that’s not just my view, that’s the view (and the words) of this episode’s amazing guest, Patrice McCauley, who is a certified Transformational Life coach.
We’ll be talking about resistance and how it can show up in many ways (perfectionism, imposter syndrome, compare and despair and more). And we’ll be covering a whole lot more!
What you’ll learn
[6:20] A bit about Patrice
[9:00] How Patrice entered the world of Transformational Life Coaching
[12:30] What confidence actually is
[15:45] Why going live is so scary?
[23:54] Whether or not some people have more resistance than others
[29:40] Why we, as humans, give ourselves such a hard time
[35:50] How to tune into your inner self-talk
[38:38] How to tune into your ‘why’
[40:57] The importance of trust
[46:10] How to follow the joy
Listen at [06:20]
Patrice is a certified Transformational Life Coach who works with entrepreneurs and ambitious professionals who are successful but have lost their spark.
She helps them to create truly meaningful success so they can show up daily with joy and purpose. Her core message is ‘the key to happiness is to connect to your authentic self.’
How Patrice Entered the World of Transformational Life Coaching
Listen at [09:00]
Patrice used to work in corporate start-ups and was involved in lots of entrepreneurial projects, working for companies such as Google and Microsoft.
When she reached what she thought was the pinnacle of her career at Google she found her stress and anxiety increasing with the responsibility of managing huge budgets and travel traveling the world. She began to question everything.
I really had to take a step back. It just wasn’t working. I knew in my body and mind that I wasn’t happy, even though I looked like I was on the outside.Click To Tweet
"I really had to take a step back. It just wasn’t working. I knew in my body and mind that I wasn’t happy, even though I looked like I was on the outside."
Patrice began to question who she was and what she wanted and embarked on a personal development journey which saw her working with Shamans around the world before training as a therapist and then a transformational life coach.
Patrice brings all her own experiences of being in business for 16 years to her coaching, which really lends itself to working with ambitious professionals.
What is Confidence?
Listen at [12:30]
Patrice finds it helpful to start with what confidence is not. It’s not loud, brash or arrogant. Nor is it something that we’re born with. The myth that it is, is something that holds a lot of us back. As Patrice says:
Confidence is earned. A by-product of each and every time you practise skills and they become part of you and then confidence builds as you see you’re getting better over time. It has to be experienced through action. Click To Tweet
"Confidence is earned. A by-product of each and every time you practise skills and they become part of you. Then confidence builds as you see you’re getting better over time. But it has to be experienced through action."
Why is Going Live so Scary?
Listen at [15:45]
Let’s face it, going live can feel really scary. But why is it so scary for some and not for others?
Some of us feel physical nerves, others put too much focus on the equipment and want to achieve perfection with that straight away, but this can be just another form of procrastination.
Patrice believes that actually going live is difficult for people across the board, although marginally more difficult for some.
"When you click to go live you feel vulnerable, so any deep fears or resistance coming up all pile up in that moment. It’s the fear of showing our most vulnerable selves and being judged."
Resistance can show up in lots of different ways, for example when we compare ourselves with others (Patrice refers to this as ‘compare and despair’). Imposter syndrome is something else many of us experience which Patrice believes is actually practised self doubt.
"You've done it for so long that you really start to believe it. That fear of being found out. It has many permutations but whatever fears we have come to the surface."
Patrice explains that comparing ourselves with others is particularly magnified right now because of social media.
When we compare ourselves with others what we're actually doing is comparing ourselves with someone else’s projected outside. It’s an unfair game.Click To Tweet
"When we compare ourselves with others what we're actually doing is comparing ourselves with someone else’s projected outside. It’s an unfair game."
But she argues that if we lose the ‘despair' part of ‘compare and despair’ we can use the comparison element as a positive and uplifting way to improve ourselves and hone our skills.
Why do we Give Ourselves Such a Hard Time?
Listen at [20:09]
Patrice explains that humans have ‘three brains’.
1) The 'prehistoric' brain (our ‘critter brain’), the ancient part of you concerned with protecting yourself from that lion that’s going to eat you!
2) The prefrontal cortex, which is focused on growth and moving forward.
3) The mid-brain which tries to keep the peace between the two.
The prehistoric brain hasn’t evolved. It’s always looking at what is happening around us that could be dangerous. As humans, we have a negative bias, making us always look out for what could go wrong.
Patrice encourages us to get conscious about our ‘critter brain’ and get comfortable with it to sidestep the fear and resistance that will always come up.
"We don't need to fight it. Just say thanks for keeping me safe, now let’s go on a journey."
Do Some People have More Resistance than Others?
Listen at [23:54]
I sometimes feel my resistance is so strong and am definitely guilty of comparing myself to others, whom I often assume find it much easier than I do to go live. But, as Patrice says,
"We don’t know what anyone’s journey is, what’s going on inside them. Feeling it’s easier for others probably comes down to a core belief that you’re not as good.
There’s actually no way to know if other people have more resistance than you but the only person you really know inside and out is you. So reframe it. What if your resistance is for a purpose. What if it’s teaching you to get better and better?"
Practise and Hone Your Micro Skills
Patrice suggests looking on overcoming your fears about live video as a personal growth journey which you can use to inform other parts of your life.
"The way we do one thing is how we do everything. How you’re approaching and showing up to do lives will actually show you what fears are operating when you do anything new. So accept where you're at and enjoy the journey.
Learn by doing. You won’t learn to do live video intellectually, only by action."
Patrice started her lives 10 months ago and has come a long way in that time.
"I went from being over-prepared and my authentic self being layered in behind, to just getting comfortable and being me. It’s the practise that helps you settle in.
Practise allows you to get better over time and hone each micro skill so that after a while you don’t even need to think about it any more."
Patrice also suggests finding a safe space to practise your lives, perhaps setting your videos to private initially or streaming into a private group with some trusted friends or colleagues.
How to Work on Improving your Lives
Patrice watches each of her live streams back and makes notes on where improvements could be made.
"I have a self-audit. Something I do after my coaching sessions and lives but I’ve trained myself to watch with kindness. I’m not watching to judge myself but to pick up on things I can do better."
Tune into your Inner-Self Talk
Listen at [35:50]
Understand what your inner voice is saying.
"If it’s ‘I’ll never be good enough’ write it down. You can look at that and put it down to your critter brain.
Then you can start to say, ‘I am enough, I am good enough, I have value’. But it all starts with awareness. The more you notice what’s going on inside of you the more you can work on rewiring and decluttering these negative voices and beliefs."
Tune into your ‘Why’
Listen at [38:38]
When you shift the focus onto the reason why you’re doing your lives and who you’re helping, it helps to eradicate the negative self talk as it takes the focus off you.
Take a piece of paper and write down your ‘why’ and how what you talk about on your lives will help people so that you can read it before you go live to remind yourself.
Learn to Trust Yourself
Listen at [40:57]
Many of us have a distortion with trust because, at some point or another, we’ve broken our trust with ourselves or with other people. So earning trust back does wonders for self confidence.
"Make a habit of closing the ‘Say/Do’ gap. What you say you’re going to do. When you close the gap you start to trust yourself. Bit by bit, any confidence that’s been eroded comes back and when the gap closes that’s where you benefit from this deep inner knowing, and that’s what confidence is.
This all extends to the people around you too. They also have more confidence in you as you close the ‘Say/Do’ gap."
I always advise that people schedule their live broadcasts as it’s a great way to keep yourself accountable.
Find the Joy
Listen at [46:10]
"Joy is my purpose, my reason. I’m helping client’s tap into their reason, their joy, their fun. Usually we’re mission- led. We’re showing up to do something for a reason but when we follow our joy and make it playful and fun, then it just leads on, you don’t need to make yourself do things you don’t want to do anymore."
Let your joy lead the way and the rest will follow.
Watch Episode 76
Who is Patrice McCauley?
Patrice is a certified Transformational Life coach who works with entrepreneurs and ambitious professionals who are successful but have lost their spark. She helps them to create truly meaningful success so they can show up daily with joy and purpose. Her core message is ‘the key to happiness is to connect to your authentic self.’